Six months ago Eric and were in the hospital awaiting the arrival of our first and last! Our first little girl and our last child, making us the parents of 5! It had been about 5 years since we had been in this situation at the hospital. It think your body and mind forget how it is to give birth, until you are in the hospital! I had given birth 4 times before, been induced each time, some with epidurals and some natural births! This time was different, not only because we were having a girl, but this time we were being induced three weeks early.

Our first moments with BrynnLe were a little scary. The entire labor and delivery were very surreal. I just remember thinking that something was not right...it was not like the other times. Was it because I was so excited about having a girl? Was it because I was sad about this being the last time that I get to bring a sweet spirit straight from heaven? I didn't know. Something was just off. Looking back I was being prepared and I didn't really see or recognize the tender mercies that were happening all around me. I was being induced due to my advanced maternal age and the fact that her kidneys were swollen and the umbilical cord herniated. With those three factors the dr. felt it was best to induce and be able to take care of her outside of the womb. My body was not ready to go into labor so I had to use the Folley method and the Dr. said it would take about 12 hours to dilate at all! That was not the case, with in two hours I was ready to have my water broken! A bit later I was ready for an epidural, having gone natural with Abraham I didn't want to do it again! Things went pretty quickly after that, BrynnLe came out blue! She was quiet and blue! I was freaking out inside! I had been really nervous the entire time, but I held it together. Finally she made a little cry and they took her from me...it seemed like forever before I got her back in my arms. The nurses had to suction out her lungs and were rubbing her rather harshly to get some color in her. She was on oxygen for a few moments and then they gave her to me! She was perfect. Our last little one was here and I felt complete. I felt her strong spirit, her amazingly strong spirit. I knew then that everything was going to be fine! She met her brothers, who adored her and wanted nothing else but to hold and love her. She had over 20 visitors at the hospital. Then she was given a label....she has down syndrome. WHAT??? What did the DR. just say? My head was spinning and spinning. Looking back I know that all my uneasy feelings were small hints of what was to come. Eric and I kept that label to ourselves, with the exception of family until we had the results back. Even then we shared it with close friends, I didn't want her to grow up with a label. I had to sort out my feelings before I could share her with the world. I had to mourn the loss of the little girl I thought I was having. There were many emotions and confusion in my head. It took me a few good cries and then I was ready to share her.

Six months ago today my life was changed for the better. Six months ago our world was made better. I have learned more about myself, about my family, my boys, and who my real friends are. Some friends have gone by the wayside, and new ones have filled my heart! I have meet so many amazing people in this short six months. Our family is part of a world that we never were before! I cannot imagine my life without BrynnLe. I am so thankful each day for the things I am learning. I am thankful for a softened heart. I take joy in the little things in life. I know there are tough times ahead for us. I know that not all is going to be easy, but nothing ever has been. I still cry, I still mourn my loss and I think parts of me always will. I mourn the friends who have chosen to pull away. Sometimes I feel alone. But then I look around at my dear family and see that they are all I need. They fill my heart with happiness. Life is short and I hope I can always look back and recognize the tender mercies. I have an angle with me, BrynnLe is amazing! Six months ago my life was not quiet, but it was not complete. My life is full. My life is crazy, it is one full of love and admiration for all of my children. Down Syndrome will not define BrynnLe!

The Middle School had spirit week and one day was geek day... I tried to get Robert to wear his hair like this, but he would not do it! Then I realized he really needed his hair cut if he could wear it in a pig tail! Kamren and Robert did dress up, I don't think Robert lasted the entire day before rolling his pants down and taking off the glasses. Just some cute pictures of Kamren and David with BrynnLe, they sure love their sister. And then, how did Robert get old enough to shave? I don't like this getting older deal. He is a young man and I am not ready for this. I am not ready for him to grow up! On the other hand it is so fun to have them getting older and seeing how they interact with their younger siblings. The first thing they all do when they come home from school is hold and play with BrynnLe. It is so amazing how much one little tiny girl has changed our family. I am one lucky momma!

Abraham thought it would be fun and a great idea to play in the fire pit! He colored most of the castle rock black and as you can see he had fun coloring himself! He is sure a child who is curious and loves to see what he can do! I just had to laugh at him. Look at that cute little face.

Crazy summer nights!

This summer has just gone by so quickly. Maybe because we had a baby. Maybe because we have 5 kids now! Maybe because we are just so busy running around like crazy. The older boys have had a crazy summer...wrestling camp, regional wrestling, football camp, spring football, baseball for David, swim team for Kamren and now we start swim lessons with David and Abraham. Plus scouts and church callings. How do you slow down when you have 5 kids? What do you cut out? We want active children, but if each one is involved in one activity that adds up to most nights being filled. I am not complaining. I love that they want to be active and involved in everything! It is fun to see the boys grow into themselves and find their place. It is so fun to watch them play and participate in sports and scouts. Life is great! I love having the boys and all their friends over. I love summer! I am so sad it is over half gone. I love night games at our house with all the crazy noise and the hungry kids! They floated the ditch last week at night and they wanted hot cocoa...in this heat wave it was odd making hot cocoa! I love summer!

Tender Mercies from the Lord and our sweet BrynnLe

This has been a crazy few months! Our family has been changed for good. We will never be the same. I have contemplated how to share our new adventure with others, not because I am ashamed, but because it has been a very sacred time for us. It has also been a time of sorrow and adjustment for Eric and I. As most of you know we have 4 boys! I love my boys. I love being a mom of crazy busy and loud boys. I never really saw me having a girl after all of these boys. I love football, wrestling, baseball and all the "boy" things. I love watching them play sports and learn and grow. After our 4th son we knew our family was not complete yet! WHAT???? It took some time but we finally gave into the feelings. It took some time, over 4 years to get our next one coming, but what a surprise it was when we found out SHE was coming to our family. friends and family all celebrated with us for the next 6 months. Our life was being invaded by pink and bows and more pink! What a great 6 months we had planning for our princess to come. All the plans of dance lessons, mom and daughter outings and all the fun things I did with my mom and sisters. I would get to buy her dresses, prom dresses and help plan a wedding! I was so excited, but deep down I kept it all to myself. I didnt' want to jinx it and have her really be a boy! It was hard for me to really grasp the concept of a girl. I think this was one way the Lord was preparing me for what was to come. I always had a strange feeling that things would be different, I just didn't know how different they really would be. I am thankful for the tender mercies the Lord has given me and my family. I am thankful for the joy BrynnLe has brought us all. I love her so much...my life is forever changed. Not as I had planned, but that is ok. On April 29, 2013 at 8:45pm BrynnLe Larsen made her entrance into this world...three weeks before planned. Here is her story: Her kidneys had been enlarged on an off and we had been monitoring them with an ultra sound each week. At 36 & 1/2 weeks the dr. noticed that the umbilical cord had herniated and that her left kidney was twice the size of the right. They felt it would be best to induce at 37 weeks, to make sure she stayed healthy. We had a family fast on Sunday and both Eric and I received blessings. We both felt comforted, but I had a strange feeling that BrynnLe was not mine. The Lord poured his Spirit out on me that day. I knew that I BrynnLe was a daughter of God and that she was merely on loan to me an our family. I know that all our children are His, but the feeling I had was overwhelming. I had this feeling several time throughout my pregnancy, but didn’t really pay much attention to it. I said it was hormones! :) A little after her birth, Eric and I sat alone in the hospital room marveling over our beautiful little baby girl. Oh how we felt her strong spirit and a deep love for her. We were talking about who she looked like...she has Eric's eyes, my mouth and round head. She looked a lot like Abraham! She is perfect! And she has beautiful light brown hair. The Dr. came in to check on us and let us know he had a few concerns about BrynnLe. He told us she had some soft signs of Down Syndrome. She has a simian crease in her hands, slanted eyes, small and low placed ears. He wanted to do a chromosomal test and we agreed. Eric and i were then left alone once again....shock, anger and sadness came over us both. We just cried! We were mourning the life we thought we had lost because of her having Down Syndrome, the things we were going to miss out on. Then we realized this was not about us! To us, she was perfect, she is our baby girl, she was going to be fine and have a great life! The next morning I phoned my parents and told them what the Dr. had informed us the night before. My dad assisted Eric in giving BrynnLe a blessing. She was then taken to get her blood drawn for the test. Eric and I prayed and prayed. We received a confirmation from the Spirit that she did have down syndrome. We still waited and maybe even hoped for the results to come back negative. She had an ultrasound on her kidneys and they were back to normal size and working well. What a blessing. Thursday Eric went to work and mom came out to be with me and BrynnLe. Dr. Evans came to the house around 1:30pm. My heart sank as I knew what he was going to say. The test came back positive. He wanted to tell us in person and I was so thankful for his kindness. I texted Eric and asked him to come home. I wanted to tell him in persone. Dad came out and assisted Eric in giving me a blessing...it was beautiful and very comforting. Over 50% of Down Syndrome babies have a heart defect. So her Dr ordered an echocardiogram. Once again we were fasting and praying that her little heart would be whole. This would increases her lifespan and would influence her overall heath. On top of this she was jaundice so we were testing that everyday! On Wednesday May 8th we found out that she has a strong and normal heart. We are so thankful for her health. We count her a one of our choicest blessings. She is beautiful. She is our princess. Her spirit if felt by those who hold her. We could not be more happy with our new addition. BrynnLe is a daughter of God! It is our privilege to be her parents and family here on earth. What a great journey it will be to watch her grow!

Life is so great with our little one. We still have unanswered questions about what life will hold for her and our family. We are so very blest to have great family and friends who offer love and support! We are so thankful for all the amazing people in our lives. We blessed BrynnLe this past week and it was such a great day. We felt the spirit so strong as we entered into the chapel. Eric sat down and turned to me during the opening song and said, "this is not good", he was already in tears. I tried chocking back the tears but couldn't. We were both on a spiritual high. He gave BrynnLe a blessing that was so unique, just like her. I could tell he struggled as to what to say as he was sorting out what he wanted for her and what the Lord had in mind for her. I don't think there were many dry eyes in the congregation that day. It was so wonderful to have most of my family there to share in such a sacred and special day for our family. What a blessing! Then we all ventured to Matt and Lisa Cardons home. What a great time we had there. It was nice to be together and enjoy each others company.