Six months ago Eric and were in the hospital awaiting the arrival of our first and last! Our first little girl and our last child, making us the parents of 5! It had been about 5 years since we had been in this situation at the hospital. It think your body and mind forget how it is to give birth, until you are in the hospital! I had given birth 4 times before, been induced each time, some with epidurals and some natural births! This time was different, not only because we were having a girl, but this time we were being induced three weeks early.

Our first moments with BrynnLe were a little scary. The entire labor and delivery were very surreal. I just remember thinking that something was not right...it was not like the other times. Was it because I was so excited about having a girl? Was it because I was sad about this being the last time that I get to bring a sweet spirit straight from heaven? I didn't know. Something was just off. Looking back I was being prepared and I didn't really see or recognize the tender mercies that were happening all around me. I was being induced due to my advanced maternal age and the fact that her kidneys were swollen and the umbilical cord herniated. With those three factors the dr. felt it was best to induce and be able to take care of her outside of the womb. My body was not ready to go into labor so I had to use the Folley method and the Dr. said it would take about 12 hours to dilate at all! That was not the case, with in two hours I was ready to have my water broken! A bit later I was ready for an epidural, having gone natural with Abraham I didn't want to do it again! Things went pretty quickly after that, BrynnLe came out blue! She was quiet and blue! I was freaking out inside! I had been really nervous the entire time, but I held it together. Finally she made a little cry and they took her from me...it seemed like forever before I got her back in my arms. The nurses had to suction out her lungs and were rubbing her rather harshly to get some color in her. She was on oxygen for a few moments and then they gave her to me! She was perfect. Our last little one was here and I felt complete. I felt her strong spirit, her amazingly strong spirit. I knew then that everything was going to be fine! She met her brothers, who adored her and wanted nothing else but to hold and love her. She had over 20 visitors at the hospital. Then she was given a label....she has down syndrome. WHAT??? What did the DR. just say? My head was spinning and spinning. Looking back I know that all my uneasy feelings were small hints of what was to come. Eric and I kept that label to ourselves, with the exception of family until we had the results back. Even then we shared it with close friends, I didn't want her to grow up with a label. I had to sort out my feelings before I could share her with the world. I had to mourn the loss of the little girl I thought I was having. There were many emotions and confusion in my head. It took me a few good cries and then I was ready to share her.

Six months ago today my life was changed for the better. Six months ago our world was made better. I have learned more about myself, about my family, my boys, and who my real friends are. Some friends have gone by the wayside, and new ones have filled my heart! I have meet so many amazing people in this short six months. Our family is part of a world that we never were before! I cannot imagine my life without BrynnLe. I am so thankful each day for the things I am learning. I am thankful for a softened heart. I take joy in the little things in life. I know there are tough times ahead for us. I know that not all is going to be easy, but nothing ever has been. I still cry, I still mourn my loss and I think parts of me always will. I mourn the friends who have chosen to pull away. Sometimes I feel alone. But then I look around at my dear family and see that they are all I need. They fill my heart with happiness. Life is short and I hope I can always look back and recognize the tender mercies. I have an angle with me, BrynnLe is amazing! Six months ago my life was not quiet, but it was not complete. My life is full. My life is crazy, it is one full of love and admiration for all of my children. Down Syndrome will not define BrynnLe!