Nine months have gone by so quickly. How could our baby girl be that old already? I cannot even try to put into words how our lives have changed. First off I have really had to look at my self and dig deep into my soul to know that this journey was meant for our family. It was not some sort of punishment, it was nothing I did or didn't do. God lives! He loves me, He loves our family and He knows what we need and what we can handle. I can say that the past nine months I have never felt more sad, more frustrated and sometimes very alone. On the flip side I have never felt Heaven closer, I have never felt Gods hand so close, so loved and so in awe of people. My heart has been broken and then mended by the tender mercies of my Savior. When I say it was broken is not because I was sad about having BrynnLe. I never really thought I would have a daughter, but when I found out that we were going to welcome a girl into our crazy family my heart was full of joy. I felt as if I was joining some kind of secret club that I was not privy to before. I thought of all the fun things we would do and of course the fun clothes, hair bows and shoes! My heart broke when Eric and I had a confirmation that she has Down Syndrome. It broke for me and for her too! I thought how fair is this that she wont be able to do things that I had dreamed for her. It broke for how she may be treated, it pained me to think of anyone ever harming her or calling her a name...and being mean to her for being different. I wish I could say that I don't ever cry about all of this, but I still do. I don't often, but I still do mourn some. But then I think I do that for all my kids...they all have struggles and they all have had heart ache and will have many more challenges to come. So, what can I do about having a daughter with down syndrome? I can love her. I can give her the best life possible. I can adore her. I can spoil her. I can treat her like my other kids. I can expect great things from her. I can play with her. I can shop with her. I can dress her up and put huge bows in her hair! I can paint her nails. I can share her with the world. I can make sure she knows she is a daughter of God, that she is of royal birth and that she is amazing! I can teach her to be kind and accepting of others. I can show her a world where differences are accepted. I could go on and on, but I think you get the drift! I have also had to learn that not all people are accepting of change or things that are different. Down Syndrome was something I really knew nothing about, I didn't know anyone with Down Syndrome. Now that it is part of my life there is not a day that I am not thinking about it and how to spread the word. It is nothing to be scared of, nothing to be ashamed of and nothing that you can "catch"! I feel it is my mission to help others know what a wonderful world is out there and how differences make the world the amazing place that it is. Some people still don't want anything to do with us...I think they may be scared of what to say or not say. The worst part it that not saying anything to me is hurtful and I would rather answer questions and educate others then have them pull away. I know my life has changed as well as others, life is full of changes. I welcome them. I welcome the new adventures. I love my family and I love my kids. I have missed Eric so much these past two weeks. My parents also left on their mission at the same time...this is the first time I have just felt all alone in a long time. It has been nice to be busy with Ski Program and with Young Womens. I have a few more weeks and then things will settle down. I can do hard things and I really am blest with great kids! I think another reason for my emotions today is... Robert turns 14 tomorrow and I cannot believe that! I still remember the day before becoming a mother. there is something special about your first child, you don't love them more, but they are the ones who made you parents for the very first time. Robert has been a joy and light in our lives. He really is an amazing older brother. It has been fun to see him become so soft around the edges with BrynnLe. He is her protector and she is his soft spot. Don't mess with her or you will deal with him...and his brothers. Before I know it he will be gone and I will miss him so much. It is hard to alway enjoy the teen years and I am sure some days I will be ready for him to leave. But most days I just love that kid! He has a drive to do good, be good and to try hard at all he does. He is a good friend and a great brother.

He will die if he ever sees the pig tail picture...but I love his smile in it!