How and where to begin? As I think about this past year I cannot even express my feelings of gratitude, anger, peace, love and some sadness too! It is hard to think that just one year ago Eric and I were in the hospital anxiously awaiting the arrival of Miss BrynnLe. Our home was ready to be invaded by pink and all things frilly! All of you know that it was a shock to us to learn that she was born with Down Syndrome. Since that time our family has been on the most amazing journey. One that I would never have chosen yet it is one that I would never give up now that I am on this amazing path. We have had a year full of Buddy Walks, Down Syndrome research, our first 3-21 celebration, and many more Down Syndrome activities. Our boys have learned to accept others as they are, that we are all children of a loving Heavenly Father. We are all perfect in His eyes. We have made wonderful friends and have been so blest with a great support system.

Eric and I have grown stronger! As for myself I have learned to speak up for myself and my kids. I know when to push for things and when to go with the flow. I am my kids biggest advocate and their biggest fans. I have the worlds greatest children. Each of them are here on this earth to do something amazing. It has been a wonderful year of growth for us. I have loved getting to know other families with children who have Down Syndrome. I have felt more love from friends, family and strangers than I could ever imagine. BrynnLe can light up a room. Her smile is contagious and she is one of the most loved baby girls I know! I have a love for each of our boys, they all have a special place in my heart. BrynnLe brings a calm to my life, she brings the Spirit with her. I cannot explain it, she grounds my life. In the crazy life we lead she is the calm in the storm for me. I love holding her and watching her little mind at work. She has overcome some great obstacles in her life and I know she will continue to amaze me. I am so glad that she came to our family. I am so thankful for her. I am thankful for her health. I am thankful she is ours. I am thankful for our extended family and for our friends who have been our pillars this year. to those of you who don't have a child with Down Syndrome in your life...I encourage you to reach out to a family who does. Your life will be enriched beyond what you can imagine. A year ago I didn't really know this world existed and I am ashamed to say that I didn't reach outside of my comfort zone. Now as I sit and look at our beautiful daughter I am speechless.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L08hpuEU-Rk copy and paste to watch the video, it is kinda cute if I say so myself! :)

Another year older...I pray wiser too!

How does time go by so quickly when we get older. It seems that when we are young all we want to do is be bigger so we can do more things. We think that getting older is going to be so much fun and we will have so much freedom. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to time travel back to a day when I young, but I would not mind if time stood still for a moment and I could take it all in. Our kids are growing up so fast, I feel that they are forced to be older than they are. With technology and media being thrust at them every place they go they have to be. How did our kids get to old? How do I have a 14 year old, I remember being 14! As I look back on this year of my life I can say with tenderness that this has been one of the most trying and most rewarding years of my life. I have been stretched and molded more this year than in the past 15 or so years. The last time I remember being tested as much is when I live in Mexico and Costa Rica with my parents. Looking back on those tough years now all I see is the amazing experiences and growth that happened in my life. I have come to appreciate the challenges that were placed in my life as a teen. Last year at this time I was about 7 months pregnant with our darling little BrynnLe. We were all anxiously awaiting her arrival and getting things done around to house to welcome her home. I can say that I am very thankful not to be pregnant this year and that our family is finally complete. Here are some things that I have learned this year: True friends stick by you no matter how hard life gets. Family (blood relatives or "adopted") are those who matter most. As soon as you feel comfortable with life Heavenly Fathers will oft times throw you a curve ball. Even adults are bullied, and it is O.K. to stand up for your self. You are the only one that can choose how you will react to a situation. My, well our kids are so amazing and have taught me how to be accepting of others. I have the best husband in the world (no, it didn't take me till now to realize that) I have an amazing extended family. My in-laws are amazing too! No matter how many times I fall, I have to get up. I have to be an advocate for my children, no one else will. There is a whole world out there that many people don't realize exists! Not all people are comfortable with those of us who are "different" It is my job to educate people about Down Syndrome My boys will be BrynnLe's biggest support system and they will fight for her to have all that she deserves. I love having a girl! I am more aware of people around me. I have learned to come out of my shell and meet new people. The list could go on and on! Most of all I am so thankful for all those who have stood by our family and have lifted us up in times of need and in times of us growing and being stretched to what felt like our limits at time. I am so thankful for BrynnLe and for the joy she as brought, she has opened doors that I didn't know existed and she makes everything right. I love our boys, they challenge me in different ways and I am thankful that they love me despite my faults as a mother. My greatest accomplishments in life are my children, they bring me the most joy and heart ache as well. I love Eric with all my heart. He is amazing. He works hard to support our family, he honors his Priesthood and is my best friend. He loves me for me and that means the world for me. He is the only one that knows all of my faults and fears, yet he is there for me with all my crazy ideas! Here is to another year, it can only get better. Here are some pictures from this year!

Embarrassment and frustration

A few months ago a friend asked me to speak about how our family has used essential oils in our home to keep everyone healthy. I gladly said yes! I love talking about how they have blessed our lives, little did I know that Eric would be out of town and the older two would be at Kelly Canyon, one for their school ski night and the other for a merit badge clinic. So, I would have to go with the three younger kiddos to speak. I was under the impression I would be near the middle of the panel to speak and that a sitter would be in the nursery to help with the kids. True to my life things did not go as planned. No sitter, kids were crazy from sugar from the school parties for Valentines day and I was the last to go. Well, after an hour of twenty minutes I still hadn't gone. Abe was acting all crazy and I was getting the judgmental looks from other there. The kind like: why would you bring your kids when you have to speak. why cant you control your child. My kids would never act that way I could go on and on about how I am sure people were annoyed with my kids. No one was more annoyed than me. Of course everyone wanted to hold BrynnLe, but not one person offered to help with the boys. Abe had been running in and out and then to the nursery where David decided to lock him out so Abe was banging on the door to get in. I had had it! I scooped up my boys gathered my things and put BrynnLe in her seat and left....totally humiliated as the panel was still in progress. I have never left without fulfilling my commitment, but I could not do it last night. My cup was empty and I needed to get my kids home, out of the judgmental eyes of others and in bed. I guess I was frustrated even more that not one person offered to help. If the roles were reversed I would really hope that I would offer to take kids. Here is a little back story of how this week has gone... Eric has been gone for three weeks, he came home last weekend, but it was filled with craziness, so not much got done. The ski program takes up a ton of my time and and get to deal with some crazy parents in the process. I don't think they realize that all of us volunteer our time to make the program run. Some days I wonder if it is worth it! Tuesday I get to go to the school to gather money for the ski trip on Wed. I get to take the two youngest kids with me while trying to gather and sort money and papers from 120 kids. I then rush home so I can enter all the info into a spreadsheet so I can get my numbers to Kelly Canyon...at some point my kids get fed! We have a quick dinner and then I am off to Mutual at 6:30. We got home after 9:00. I get home to find that a few parents have dropped ski money and forms off while I was gone...argh...so I enter them into my spread sheet and finally get to go to bed. Wed. I get to be at the school by 8:00 to open the trailer, I am there until 8:50 and then I get home in time to feed BrynnLe and get things ready to get Abe from school. I then rush to town to get Valentines for Dave and Abe for the next day. I get home in time to feed Abe and BrynnLe, get my papers gathered together for the ski trip and parents are calling...some wanting to add their kid for today! uh...NO!! Time is gone and I should be at the school, thank heavens Elsha comes over to get BrynnLe and take Abe to a neighbor. I get to the school to open the trailer and get things loaded! I take BrynnLe with me to the ski hill and it was nice weather and amazing snow, I had planned to ski that day, but time did not allow me to gather my things to do so :( We leave the hill and then when we get to the school all the kids are picked up...except for two girls. Their parents "forgot" about them! parents should be there at 9:00, they finally arrived at 9:45! As if I have nothing better to do than wait in the cold for a parent to come an pick up their child. I was so frustrated. I still had valentines to put together. Thurs. The boys were rushing out to catch the bus. Rob didn't take his snow stuff for the ski trip. I had to work on all the deposits for the ski trips and get the bills paid. Then BrynnLe had therapy and then I had to take Rob his things at the school...try to find Kamren because he had piano, he was nowhere to be found. I went home to find he rode the bus, so his piano lessons were 30 min. later then I had planned. I had to take him to Kellys after and then be home to speak at 7:00. I pulled into Rigby at 6:35 and we hadn't eaten yet. I ran got food for the boys and they ate fast and then off to the Church....I was already spent by the time I arrived. And the boys acting out was the icing on the cake for me. And then when not one soul offered to help me out I lost it. I put the kids to bed and just cried. People should be more compassionate. We don't know what others are going through or what events have happened to lead up to why somethings are happening. It was a terrible day. I am putting it behind me now and pray that if I ever see someone in need of a hand I will be more than willing to be that person. One more week to go before Eric is home and I don't have to do it alone!

Nine months have gone by so quickly. How could our baby girl be that old already? I cannot even try to put into words how our lives have changed. First off I have really had to look at my self and dig deep into my soul to know that this journey was meant for our family. It was not some sort of punishment, it was nothing I did or didn't do. God lives! He loves me, He loves our family and He knows what we need and what we can handle. I can say that the past nine months I have never felt more sad, more frustrated and sometimes very alone. On the flip side I have never felt Heaven closer, I have never felt Gods hand so close, so loved and so in awe of people. My heart has been broken and then mended by the tender mercies of my Savior. When I say it was broken is not because I was sad about having BrynnLe. I never really thought I would have a daughter, but when I found out that we were going to welcome a girl into our crazy family my heart was full of joy. I felt as if I was joining some kind of secret club that I was not privy to before. I thought of all the fun things we would do and of course the fun clothes, hair bows and shoes! My heart broke when Eric and I had a confirmation that she has Down Syndrome. It broke for me and for her too! I thought how fair is this that she wont be able to do things that I had dreamed for her. It broke for how she may be treated, it pained me to think of anyone ever harming her or calling her a name...and being mean to her for being different. I wish I could say that I don't ever cry about all of this, but I still do. I don't often, but I still do mourn some. But then I think I do that for all my kids...they all have struggles and they all have had heart ache and will have many more challenges to come. So, what can I do about having a daughter with down syndrome? I can love her. I can give her the best life possible. I can adore her. I can spoil her. I can treat her like my other kids. I can expect great things from her. I can play with her. I can shop with her. I can dress her up and put huge bows in her hair! I can paint her nails. I can share her with the world. I can make sure she knows she is a daughter of God, that she is of royal birth and that she is amazing! I can teach her to be kind and accepting of others. I can show her a world where differences are accepted. I could go on and on, but I think you get the drift! I have also had to learn that not all people are accepting of change or things that are different. Down Syndrome was something I really knew nothing about, I didn't know anyone with Down Syndrome. Now that it is part of my life there is not a day that I am not thinking about it and how to spread the word. It is nothing to be scared of, nothing to be ashamed of and nothing that you can "catch"! I feel it is my mission to help others know what a wonderful world is out there and how differences make the world the amazing place that it is. Some people still don't want anything to do with us...I think they may be scared of what to say or not say. The worst part it that not saying anything to me is hurtful and I would rather answer questions and educate others then have them pull away. I know my life has changed as well as others, life is full of changes. I welcome them. I welcome the new adventures. I love my family and I love my kids. I have missed Eric so much these past two weeks. My parents also left on their mission at the same time...this is the first time I have just felt all alone in a long time. It has been nice to be busy with Ski Program and with Young Womens. I have a few more weeks and then things will settle down. I can do hard things and I really am blest with great kids! I think another reason for my emotions today is... Robert turns 14 tomorrow and I cannot believe that! I still remember the day before becoming a mother. there is something special about your first child, you don't love them more, but they are the ones who made you parents for the very first time. Robert has been a joy and light in our lives. He really is an amazing older brother. It has been fun to see him become so soft around the edges with BrynnLe. He is her protector and she is his soft spot. Don't mess with her or you will deal with him...and his brothers. Before I know it he will be gone and I will miss him so much. It is hard to alway enjoy the teen years and I am sure some days I will be ready for him to leave. But most days I just love that kid! He has a drive to do good, be good and to try hard at all he does. He is a good friend and a great brother.

He will die if he ever sees the pig tail picture...but I love his smile in it!